I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
