Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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