Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
