how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
