Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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