Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
