She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
