I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize