we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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