is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
