do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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