dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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