Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
