i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
