She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
