Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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