my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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