She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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