things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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