none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
