actually, I'm a sock model
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
