dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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