So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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