you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
