Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
