if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
