And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
