Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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