Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
