Do you still have your period?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
