Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
