Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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