I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
