overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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