Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
