My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
