im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize