Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
