maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
