So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
