idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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