I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
