This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
