My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
