he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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