Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
