Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
