Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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