I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
