I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
my poor anus
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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