I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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