i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
kristin has been a bad kristin
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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