was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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