either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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