Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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