It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
