Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
