No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
