Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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