He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
