Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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