yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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