The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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