I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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