Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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