We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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