You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
