I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
