All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
