I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize