DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
