Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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