This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
