is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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