He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
