Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
