the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
