Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Congratulations! We have a period
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