I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
