dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
