At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
