i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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