Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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