just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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